Addiction: The Life and Times of Being a Dean

Monday, June 11, 2012

Wikipedia says, 
Addiction is the continued use of a mood altering substance or behaviour despite adverse consequences,^[1] or a neurological impairment leading to such behaviors.^[2]

Addictions can include, but are not limited to, alcohol abuse, drug abuse, exercise abuse, and gambling. Classic hallmarks of addiction include: impaired control over substances/behavior, preoccupation with substance/behavior, continued use despite consequences, and denial.^[3] Habits and patterns associated with addiction are typically characterized by immediate gratification (short-term reward), coupled with delayed deleterious effects (long-term costs).^[4] Physiological dependence occurs when the body has to adjust to the substance by incorporating the substance into its 'normal' functioning.^[5] This state creates the conditions of tolerance and withdrawal. Tolerance is the process by which the body continually adapts to the substance and requires increasingly larger amounts to achieve the original effects. Withdrawal refers to physical and psychological symptoms people experience when reducing or discontinuing a substance the body had become dependent on. Symptoms of withdrawal generally include but are not limited to anxiety, irritability, intense cravings for the substance, nausea, hallucinations, headaches, cold sweats, and tremors.

Why does every friend of mine say they have an addicted personality? Is it just me? Are we all addicts? Looking back in the infamous Dean history we have found several different forms of addiction thru the years. We found surfing, tennis, nintendo, sega genisus, play station, game cast, play station 2, stealing candy, stealing cromies (the little silver caps that hold the air in your tires), stealing condoms, rum, whiskey, wine, gin, Miller Light, Natural Light, Keystone Light, Bud Light, Doral, Marlboro, Marlboro Lights, Parliaments, Camel Lights, Black Jack, College Football, Poker, Poker, Poker, Sex, Sex, Sex, Fantasy Baseball, Fantasy Football, Fantasy Golf, Fantasy World Cup, Fantasy Hockey, wait....fantasy World Cup?

Alright maybe I left a couple things out of my list. It's hard for me to figure out what was a hobby and what was an addiction. From 12 years old to 14 years old I watched Ace Ventura: Pet Detective over 65 times. The same for Half Baked, Eddie Murphy: Raw, I've seen Jaws, Pulp Fiction, and Shawshank Redemption over 100 times. Was I addicted to those movies? I constantly bait fishing hooks, to obviously go fishing, to the point of a Jedi or a Kung Fu Master. I'm not an amateur baiter I can tell you that much. Sound familiar?

Here is what I've been addicted to lately. Enjoy!

Late Night with Jimmy Fallen: you were right and we were all wrong. I always thought Jimmy was kind of a dork. You liked him on Saturday Night Live but you didn't love him. As a guy, I always thought he was mediocre as a man. I still don't know what that even means but whatever. When I saw you had a show, I was waiting to see who was going to replace you. Jimmy Fallen you are the biggest dork in the entire world and everyone, including myself, freaking love watching your show. You laugh at yourself, you make fun of everyone, you got the Roots to be your back-up band on your show. People seem like they genuinely love being on your show. My wonderful girlfriend Jenny has you number one on her celebrity make-out list. Your number five on mine. I have to watch your show every week. Totally addicted to your show.

Sleeping in/napping during the day: underrated. Whoever has known me, will meet me, or has forgotten about me, let me give you a quick disclaimer. At some point, you are going to come over in the middle of the day, I'm going to be sitting in your living, out on a patio chair, on a beach, a couch, in your car, or anywhere that is slightly comfortable, and I'm going to fall asleep. I will sleep in until 10:00AM at least 3 days a week and sometime every single day of the week. I'm not addicted to going to sleep, just sleeping.

THE Houston Texans: 99% of you will stop reading this about now. For the 1% of you that will keep reading I want to say I am madly in love with Jennifer Graham. 99% of my heart belongs to her. The other 1% is with the Bulls On Parade a.k.a. Super Bowl or Busting Houston Texans. I read every article, every blog, every comment, call into radio shows, etc etc. No person should know as much information about a football team that doesn't get paid to cover them. Ohh yeah, except me.

Chocolate Milk: Purity Chocolate Milk makes me excited in more ways than one. I have always been a milk fan. As a kid my mom would make us eat Cheerios every weekday. Then on weekends we would get a special cereal like Kix or Lucky Charms. Occasionally Fruit Loops or Cinnamon   Toast Crunch. I don't remember when it was, where it was, or who I was with but the first day I sucked the Power Nip of chocolate milk was an orgasmic experience. Purity Chocolate Milk...I will see you soon.

Jenny Graham: my gangster ass girlfriend. Who's the most hated man in the bar? Well if I'm in the Woodlands it depends on what bar I'm in. It isn't a big shock that I wasn't the best boyfriend early in my dating career. It might be a shock to some of you to know what I went thru early in my schooling around third and fourth grade and the ridicule I took for years until I hit puberty. Wha Wha Wha, everyone went thru that. Well it was hard on me so back off! But seriously I was the guy who did everything I could to get that kiss, hugged every girl, wrote thousands of love notes, danced the night away with every momma I could get my hands on, smooth talked every mom, every dad, every sister, not every brother. But what I have found is I wouldn't have changed anything that I went thru or put you thru because now I'm the luckiest guy in the world. Addicted to Love!

Honorable Mention: Game of Thrones, Predators Hockey, Leroy Brown, Broadway Brewhouse Panama Wings, Euro Cup, PGA Tour, South Park Re-runs, Modern Family.

Why am I creating this blog? Why are you taking time to read random thoughts from me? Why do I keep asking you questions? Why do we still use the term first annual? I'm going to answer one of these questions to start and if I go off on a tangent I might not answer the others. If you are looking for substance, stop reading. If you're looking for life lessons, it's not my intention. If you're looking to be entertained I'm going to do my best but really this blog is for me. I've had some deep thoughts lately about life, so like any other Thirty-Year-Old I have repressed those thoughts as far down in my sole as possible. Only to one day have them spill out over my 432nd viewing of Rudy. You know the part(s). When he finally get's excepted to Notre Dame, when Jon Favreau is in the stands and yells, "Who's the big man now?" or when his father is grabbing the stranger next to him screaming "That's my son!" Hold please........sniff.

At some point in time I've probably made you laugh by either making fun of you, myself, my parents, your job, having a job, the way people eat, why black people laugh louder than white people, why if I had a men's fragrance to sell it would be called Man...for Men. It's what I like to do. In life, I think people can appreciate a good laugh. We need more laughing in our lives. My goal is to help give you a little laughter before you head to work, before you go to bed, on your lunch break, or whenever you need a laugh. Maybe to motivate you because life has been a little cruel to you. Some perspective on random moments that I've taken time to break down that you or someone you know might have gone thru. I'm just trying to entertain. Shocker, Drew trying to be the center of attention yet again.

First Annual Octocat Dodgeball Invitational: What has Eight Legs and Loves Balls Whizzing By Their Face?

First Annual Crawfish Boil: Don't forget to suck the head! First Annual Superbowl Party: Pissing girlfriends off every year before Valentines Day! First Annual Rhode Island Marathon. That one is too easy.

I was listening to the radio today when a commercial came on about the first annual blah blah blah. Trust me when I say I'm not the first person to make fun of the term first annual. But I would like to use this term to bring awareness to some of my first annual mistakes I make every year. Maybe not exactly the same time every year but some of us are sure to repeat these epic disasters over and over.

Drew's First Annual Drink Too Much then Lose it in the Bathroom Until the Texans Carpet Near the Toilet Feels like a Sealy Posturepedic Mattress

Drew's First Annual Stay Up Watching and Entire Season of The Sopranos/Mad Men/The Wire/Scrubs/Shameless/Game of Thrones/The Walking Dead/The Killing/Hatfield & McCoys...

Drew's First Annual Call Everyone in Your Phone Whom I Haven't Talked to in About a Year While Driving on a Road Trip Over Four Hours Long

Drew's First Annual Tell Myself I'm Going to Run for 30 Days Which Leads to 11 Days of Pain Followed by Two Weeks Off From All Exercise

Drew's First Annual Start a Blog That I Might or Might Not Share with People but Makes Me Feel A Little Better About Life and I Hope it Made You Laugh a Little.

We'll see how long this lasts people but I'm feeling better already.